100 Things England Is Not Allowed To Do
by Wolfie338
Summary: Because the last one was so funny I didn't think so so, here's another! England's bored and writes out 100 things that he cannot do! T due to colourful language


**LIKE OMG WTF? WHY THE FLIP WAS THE LAST ONE OF THESE SO POPULAR? I was getting emails all day about it!**

**To everyone who reviewed: I'm so happy, there's now a lake that's developed in England because of my tears. YOU DID THIS TO ME!**

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100 Things England Is Not Allowed To Do

1. I'm not allowed to bring my scones to any of the meetings.

2. –Mainly because the others will complain

3. –Especially France and America

4. –I don't care, my food is amazing.

5. I'm not allowed to Scotland about his current plans to become independent

6. –Because I WILL start blubbering like a baby

7. –And I WILL drink myself stupid

8. –And I WILL probably end up in some stranger's bed again.

9. –Most likely it will be France's bed.

10. –Stupid frog.

11. I'm not allowed to boast to Spain about the Spanish Armada.

12. –Just because I won, does NOT mean he can get all touchy about it.

13. –I won, because I was an amazing pirate.

14. –It's not my fault that some ships got lost in the English Channel on their way back…

15. –I swear, I didn't curse them!

16. I'm not allowed to talk to Hong Kong about cursing his eyebrows.

17. –Because he will get an angry China on me…

18. –My eyebrows are better though.

19. –Course Iggy!

20. –PISS OFF YOU WANKER AMERICA!

21. Anyway, I will not talk to China about the Opium Wars.

22. –He WILL hit me with his wok.

23. –He WILL set his pandas on me.

24. –He WILL set Korea on me.

25. I'm not allowed to talk to America about the War of Independence.

26. –I'm not allowed to even THINK about that topic.

27. –Oh, shit, I thought about it.

28. -*cry*

29. –It's because I WILL start crying like a baby.

30. –And I WILL want to get drunk…

31. –Can someone pass me a whiskey?

32. I will not lecture America about all those burgers he eats.

33. –It may be disgusting and unhealthy, but it IS what he does best.

34. – Not matter how nauseating it is.

35. I must not let France remind me that in 1066, I had a fucking frog king.

36. I must not let the frog say that I didn't get the Black Plague from him.

37. –Of course I got it from him! He's the closest country to the British Isles!

38. –Where else am I going to get it from? DENMARK?

39. I must not remember that Scotland and Wales backed France up during the Hundred Years' War.

40. –I hated them all for it for about two hundred years after it…

41. I will not let Scotland mention the Battle of Bannockburn to me.

42. –Just because he won, doesn't mean he can rub it in my face.

43. –After all, I must be a gentleman and not let these little things get to me.

44. –But I did get back at him and he DID become part of the United Kingdom.

45. –Thank you Battle of Culloden!

46. –Heh.

47. I must not ask India for a Chicken Tikka Masala.

48. –Why? Because I invented it…

49. I must not blame France for the death of Princess Diana.

50. –Just because she was killed in France, does not mean he killed her.

51. I must not call Scotland's kilts skirts.

52. –He WILL run me through with his sword.

53. –He doesn't wear them a lot anymore anyway…

54. –He wears tartan trousers…

55. I will NOT call Wales a sheep fucker.

56. –He just likes their company.

57. –Yeah right.

58. I will not remind Republic of Ireland that I have his brother at my place for the time being.

59. –Because he will throw potatoes and leeks at me.

60. –And I mustn't remind him that I'm keeping him there against his will.

61. –Because he's perfectly happy with me.

62. I will not remind Germany about the Holocaust.

63. –He's still a bit touchy about that subject.

64. Nor will I remind him that Italy surrendered to us in World War Two.

65. –Because, again, he's still a little touchy on that subject.

66. –And Italy would cry.

67. –Romano would hit me if that happened.

68. –Or not, Romano's a sissy like his brother.

69. Do NOT mention the Treaty of Versailles to Germany

70. –Because he still hates America, France and I for it

71. –Well, what do you expect? We made his country pay back billions!

72. –And we took his overseas land.

73. –And we took most of his army.

74. –Navy.

75. –Air force.

76. I must NEVER accept Sealand as a proper nation.

77. –Because Sweden would kill me for leading him on

78. –And Finland

79. –But seriously, why on earth would I do that anyway?

80. –I don't want some bratty little kid saying that's he's a nations when he's right on my doorstep.

81. I'm not allowed to say that Canada is still one of my colonies.

82. –Because he asked for independence nicely, unlike that wanker America.

83. –HEY IGGY! WHAT DOES WANKER MEAN?

84. –SOD OFF YOU WANKER!

85. –Just because he has the queen on his banknotes, doesn't mean he's still a colony.

86. –I just means that he's part of the commonwealth.

87. I'm not allowed to mention Flying Mint Bunny in front of the others.

88. –Because they can't see him and therefore, don't think he exists.

89. –But he does.

90. –And Tinkerbell.

91. –And my unicorn…

92. –And those creatures I hung out with at Japan's house.

93. – Although, I think Norway sees them because he always has that troll hanging around him and I see that.

94. –Except he doesn't like talking to me…

95. I'm not allowed to go out drink with the Bad Touch Trio.

96. –Because I will get drunk.

97. I'm not allowed to punch America when he kissed me during meetings.

98. –Except I do.

99. –Because everyone else goes a bit mad.

100. –…I love him really…

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**A/N: Okay! So for you guys who are a bit clueless about the history of England at all, then pay attention to all this, because I'm not saying it twice!**

**1. The Hundred Years' War- Yes, Wales and Scotland stood with France because England was a bit of a bastard back then.**

**2. The Spanish Armada – Basically: we had a battle with the Spanish on the shores of Britain and we kicked Spain's fucking arse. They tried to go back home, but there were strong winds and a terrible storm steered their ships up to the North Sea and then some stuff happened to them. After the Spanish Armada, no one dared to try to invade Britain until World War Two.**

**3. Battle of Bannockburn- So, basically, in the year 1314, there was a battle up in Scotland by the town of Bannockburn. Scotland's forces were greatly outnumbered by the English, but they had the Scottish king, Robert the Bruce, on their side, while the English had some…dude…anyway, the battle went on and Bruce thought he'd lost but then won it in the end, gaining Scottish independence for about the next 450 plus a few years. Then England had to be a dick and we had the Battle of Culloden…**

**4. Battle of Culloden- okay, so in 1746, a big battle was held in the marshes of Culloden. And to be honest, the Scottish had no chance. Why? Well, their king had run off with a pretty little lady called Flora MacDonald to the Isle of Skye to avoid being captured. But, anyway, the mashes were stupid and all muddy and the Scots didn't have horses, or any cannons or firing guns. They had swords. And kilts, you can't forget the kilts! So, anyway, things went a bit too far and the English won. (Number of Scots killed: 1,500 to 2,000. Number of English: 50). Scotland said goodbye to his freedom and Scotland became part of the United Kingdom. (Basically, the Battle of Culloden was the last battle to date which was fought on British grounds!)**

**5. Okay, let's get this straight people: KILTS ARE NOT FUCKING SKIRTS! THEY ARE A SIGN OF FUCKING AWESOMENESS IN SCOTLAND! ONLY THE BEST CAN WEAR THEM! …well, anyone can technically wear them, but in Scotland, kilts are manly. End of.**

**6. I personally think the Welsh are sheep fuckers, but there are an awful lot of them there…**

**7. Wanker- errrr…urban dictionary it…**

**8. Flying Mint Bunny- I BELIEVE SHE EXISTS! Anyone else who thinks so should say so in their reviews. (Yes, I am British…)**

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**Okay, so you're probably wondering why I know so much about English history. The answer: I'm British. I also know a lot about Scottish history! Why? Because I'm quarter Scottish and proud of it (and yes, the English are jerks to the Scottish)! How do I know so much about Battle of Bannockburn? My Granny lives about five miles away from the battle field. How do I know so much about Culloden? My ancestor fought in that battle! And that Flora MacDonald lady? She's meant to be related to me…**

**ANYWAY! This took two bloody days because I just couldn't think of anything to write about! Because in England's views, he's done nothing wrong. That and I went to IKEA. YES! SWEDISH SHOP! But, I only did this because the last one was so popular. AND MY READERS WANTED IT!**

**Please review…**


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